Sporadic.

Wow I really need to blog more! I never write anymore!
So. July 6th-18th I was in Lac du Bois, Hackensack, Minnesota for French camp.
It was the best two weeks of my whole life. I don't even know how to decribe it. But I was so happy there. It was just like a perfect summer camp, except we spoke French. So it was a perfect French camp. :)Ahh I could ramble on and on and I suppose I should to make up for lost time but I have other things on my mind.... sooooo I won't.
Umm I was also working at the Career Center, where my mom works, for their summer enrichment. I was like the floater, who walks around waiting until someone needs me.
Now, I'm home alone for the next 2 weeks and I'm suppposed to be cleaning my room but I get so distracted I really do have to clean my room. And it sucks because I don't want to and I get SO DISTRACTED! Argh!
Anyway, I just wanted to check in, I'll write more later. In life. :)

Everything and maybe a little less...

I really need to stop writing in this so sporadically.
Okay here's the missed flow of consciousness that greatly needs to be published:

Okay just because Michael Jackson is dead, must we treat him as a god or a martyr?
Here's what I posted as my Facebook status on June 28th:
"okay what I think is really funny is that now that Michael Jackson is dead everybody is like Oh My Gawd he was a saint and he made AhMazing music! Well, yeah, he had some really good stuff, but, to get to the point, he molested little boys and was a pedophile. Since when was that right...? RIP Michael Jackson?"
That received quite a reaction as you can imagine, some comments being:
"Its not that we forgot about his problems , its just that his music legacy is so much bigger! You either remember Micheal for his music or the problems he had! And i'm pretty sure most people go with the first one, thats why you hear their remembrance with good words." Many of the comments sounded much like this. Another different comment was: "I agree. No amount of really good music makes up for ruining a child's life."
I wrote back, incredibly annoyed:
"yeah I know [about Michael Jackson being freaky]! Anybody who takes feminine estrogen treatments (which he did) and gets his skin changed (which he did) and wears makeup (which he did), is creepy in my mind!"
Someone backed me up by saying:
"i dont even like his music that much.. in my opinion the beatles were the best band/singer.. yeah, he was a great PERFORMER and made modern "pop" popular, but he's not the best singer in any way. and he's pretty mentally fucked up.. if someone who didn't have all that money and fame molested children, changed his skin color, had plastic surgery that much, and injected himself with estrogen, everyone would be like WHAT THE FUCK."
My personal favorite comment is that of my dear sweet mother:
"He was a good entertainer, and as a child, truly gifted, but he was also about as mentally ill as they come - the non-sadistic pedophile is the correct term - and he needed all the people who claimed that they loved him to intervene and put him in therapy instead of living off of the money he made and pretending that he wasn't in need of a psychiatrist"
Yeah. So. Hahahahaha
That's that........

Yep I'm leaving for camp on Monday. I'm scared. It will be the longest time I will have ever been away from home. I'm going to Concordia Language Villages, a camp in Bemidji, Minnesota, that started as an idea from the Concordia college based there as well. They have a lot of different languages but I'm doing French this year, and possibly Swedish next year. I'll be there for two weeks! It's total immersion and the architecture and food is French and everything. It should be an AMAZING experience :)

I also have a hunkering to learn Welsh. Or Gaelic. Is Welsh even a language? Whatever the language that the Welsh speak. It's like, Ilycymbyrwydd. I just made up that word but it probably is a word in Welsh anyway because their words are so odd like that. Polish is like that too, with all the totally unpronouncable words in English: Sczyrsbykazsc. I made that up too. But stuff like that.

I did it?

Okay so today was promotion from 8th grade, and everybody was all CONGRATULATIONS YOU DID IT!
Um, no offense to our teachers, but it's like the law. We have to go to public school. They weren't congratulating us on stellar grades (most of us anyway) or anything, but like honestly, it wasn't that hard. Whatever.
We're done with 8th grade, done with middle school. Hurray? I don't know I suppose I'm happy to leave and have a new beginning but everybody? I'm going to miss them sooooo much! Ugh whatever I sound like a preppy caffeinated teenage girl.
Fuck it all you know.

Yay here comes summer! What the fuck I don't even really care. Why am I writing this?

Why am I continuing to type if I have nothing to say...

Long time no write

Wow so a lot happened! I know I need to keep writing!
June 11th: My birthdayy! Yay I'm 14 now... Am I supposed to feel any different? Because I don't. Whatever it doesn't matter...
Blaaah I also got a phoneee! :) the enV3... it's pretty good and finally! I know I've been waiting a very long time
Ummm Kings Dominion at school?
But wow you really don't want to hear this so I'll write about other stuff

So 8th grade promotion is tomorrow... I'm so sad! Since I'm going to Marshall High School and leaving all my dear darling friends behind, I've broken down crying for the past couple of nights. What am I going to do without these people? I love them so much! They're a part of me! I can't just shrug them off!!! Yeah I'll make new friends but I want the old ones that I have now. It's actually very depressing. Plus I didn't get to go to that Fleetwood Mac concert that I desperately wanted to go to. Sorry that was irrelevant but I'm listening to Silver Springs, one of their big hits so I just started thinking about it. Goddammit this is so freaking retarded. Karma is a stupid bitch that likes to hurt people. Yes, I'd like to believe that this is karma hurting me right now. AHH whateverrrrrrr

Plus another thing that's hurting is recently a very good friend kind of left my friend group to join another group which I am on good terms with but not besties... He's been acting so different and mean. I miss the old guy who used to be like my best friend! I guess it's fitting he turned into an ass as I'm leaving. Dude I don't want even want to talk about this anymore. Peace out.

De temps en temps

Yeah I know I haven't written in a while, it's been really busy with all of the end of year stuff going on. We just finished our last SOLs today (YAY!); the geography one. We also got our scores back, and I got a 598. A 598!!!!! What the hell!?!?!?! That means I got ONE wrong! Argh! Whatever, I'm never going to be some perfect brain-child. I got a 488 on the Algebra SOL, and a 560 on the Science on. I feel so stupid. This is one of those moments where you want to whack your head continually on the keyboard. Mrs Michael-Burns even said something the other day that is partially inducing this anxiety attack: "You could be a straight-A student if you just tried". Ahhhh yes I know I could but I have to shape up my work ethic! Goddammit I really do!!! It pisses me off how lazy I am. Like it's not even like I have anything I could be doing instead of homework. I just don't do it. And I don't study. I NEED TO SHAPE UP! NOW. What the hell it's too late for this now so I really gotta get in shape for high school; I am taking a Pre-IB curriculum and AP World History, so I really have to be good; damn! Ahhh anyway sorry for the tirade.

Also, I'm finally getting a phone on Saturday! :D Finally! I'm getting the Samsung Trance...
Ahhh also my birthday is in exactly a week! June 11th babayyyy and end of school year.... Well now I'm just rambling so peace

Thinking

I'm going to Marshall next year, and I get a brand new start... Literally. I don't know anybody there, they don't know me, and everything about me is completely unknown. Ahhh I'm still so confused... The school counselor came and took me out of class today to talk about my behavior and attitude. Basically she came to chastise me about my racism. I can't really help how I feel, and she agrees I suppose; she just gets mad that I actually have to say stuff. I told her that part of it was being raised in an environment where I stronly say my feelings. Some people call it bitchy, I call it blunt. I say what I mean and think; I hate people who always cover up their real feelings for fear of hurting people. I don't know! While talking with her, we were talking about how things, and I was getting really upset because it's too late in the year to change anything. If I'm unhappy about the friend situation and my life situation, I can't really change it now, it's too late. I keep telling myself "next year, next year, it will all be different next year, I can change then" but will I actually?

The Cello

So I play the cello right? Well I was just sitting there, listening to music online, a band called Apocalyptica in particular. Let me tell you about Apocalyptica first:
They are an amazing band comprised of four classically trained Finnish cellists... AND they play HEAVYYYY METAL on the CELLO!
Well, listening to them made me want to cry tears of joy... I love the cello so much and until now I lacked motivation to play it, but now listening to Apocalyptica makes me want to carry my cello around with me and play it all the time. To play as incredibly as these men do would be a life dream. Like words can't even express how I feel about this... I know it's kind of retarded to feel this way about the cello but listening to them is just an overwhelming feeling of happiness.
It pisses me off how most classical things or even things we play in orchestra are centered on the violin. Yes, the violin makes gorgeous music, but every time I say I play cello, and someone else says they play the violin, the violinist is more appreciated because how well they play is more evident. Maybe this is why I embrace such music as Apocalyptica, even though their music won't ever be regarded as classic.
Ahh I know I sound like a lunatic but really. You have to listen to them and even if you don't play the cello, you have to appreciate their playing. Because this is some really hard stuff... And they are just the top of the top, possibly rivaling Yo-Yo Ma, except there are four of them.
I think I'm done ranting... I'm sorry but I just had to share that... They make me so happy to listen to them! Haha well I have no words left to say...

A travesty of sorts

I've erased and rewritten and erased and rewritten what I was originally going to post here. Just thinking about it, what are we actually supposed to write about in these things that people want to hear that isn't just me griping about problems which in reality are not really that important? Why should anybody hear what I have to say about anything unless they are truly bored? I am not President Obama, I am not Oprah Winfrey, I am Dorian Cupero, who's life is minimally comparable to the formerly mentioned. This kinda goes hand in hand with What is the meaning of life? Like really, what is the meaning of Facebook or blogging? Do YOU want to hear what I have to say? It doesn't apply to you, and most likely you know me, so you know about me anyway, so it really doesn't matter. I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with myself. I think in my mini-depression I've become more philosophical... Hopefully that's a change for the better because my life could get much worse and I'd not like for that to happen.

My first blog

Okay this is my first blog and I thought I'd give it a try... I'm not really sure how these things work and how to really get the hang of it and write what people actually want to hear, but you know, there's a first time for everything.
So I'm Dorian Lee Cupero, age 13 (almost 14! My birthday is June 11) and I go to Thomas Jefferson Middle School.
here's where I start venting about my life.

So I'm with this little circle of friends, it's just the 4 of us... Except most of the time it's the three of them, and I'm just there... They even call themselves The Three S's, while there I am, the D. I was supposed to hang out with one of them this weekend; my best friend. Well, sure enough, I call her and "sorry it didn't work out". I hear this almost every time I call her now. I've come to the realization that I have no real friends; no one calls me just to talk (except for Z, but he's a special case), no one invites me over anymore, and I haven't slept over at anyone's house since February. Maybe I'm just a bitchy teenager, I know I can add that to the list of things I am. Anyway I'm just really pissed that I "have no friends" and that every weekeend is spent with my dysfunctional family. I'd like to elaborate but I don't think I will.

And another thing: I'm going to a new high school in the fall, different from the one all my "friends" are going to (or you could call them acquaintances, n'est pas?): Marshall. All of my "friends" are going to Washington-Lee. So for some reason I feel like it's their job to make me feel happy and wanted and loved in my last days with them before I depart maybe forever. They obviously aren't taking the fact that this is my last time with them into consideration because I am being pushed farther away instead of closer. I get really upset almost every day because I realize how much my life actually sucks.

But wait, of course there's more!

Being a hormonal teenage girl, I like guys. More than I probably should. So I run after every guy who I think is interested in me. I've been so freaking naive about it the whole time thinking it was normal when in fact, thanks to a certain guy who denied my advances, I realized it was whorish and the only reason he turned me down was because he thought I was too easy when he wanted a challenge. I got really mad but then I started thinking, dude, he's right, I need to just chill the hell out.

Maybe you don't want to hear my story at all... It's not a very good one, or a happy one, and I know that there are more people out there suffering much worse torment than I am so I think I'll go now.
Darfur needs the attention more than I do.