Thinking

I'm going to Marshall next year, and I get a brand new start... Literally. I don't know anybody there, they don't know me, and everything about me is completely unknown. Ahhh I'm still so confused... The school counselor came and took me out of class today to talk about my behavior and attitude. Basically she came to chastise me about my racism. I can't really help how I feel, and she agrees I suppose; she just gets mad that I actually have to say stuff. I told her that part of it was being raised in an environment where I stronly say my feelings. Some people call it bitchy, I call it blunt. I say what I mean and think; I hate people who always cover up their real feelings for fear of hurting people. I don't know! While talking with her, we were talking about how things, and I was getting really upset because it's too late in the year to change anything. If I'm unhappy about the friend situation and my life situation, I can't really change it now, it's too late. I keep telling myself "next year, next year, it will all be different next year, I can change then" but will I actually?

The Cello

So I play the cello right? Well I was just sitting there, listening to music online, a band called Apocalyptica in particular. Let me tell you about Apocalyptica first:
They are an amazing band comprised of four classically trained Finnish cellists... AND they play HEAVYYYY METAL on the CELLO!
Well, listening to them made me want to cry tears of joy... I love the cello so much and until now I lacked motivation to play it, but now listening to Apocalyptica makes me want to carry my cello around with me and play it all the time. To play as incredibly as these men do would be a life dream. Like words can't even express how I feel about this... I know it's kind of retarded to feel this way about the cello but listening to them is just an overwhelming feeling of happiness.
It pisses me off how most classical things or even things we play in orchestra are centered on the violin. Yes, the violin makes gorgeous music, but every time I say I play cello, and someone else says they play the violin, the violinist is more appreciated because how well they play is more evident. Maybe this is why I embrace such music as Apocalyptica, even though their music won't ever be regarded as classic.
Ahh I know I sound like a lunatic but really. You have to listen to them and even if you don't play the cello, you have to appreciate their playing. Because this is some really hard stuff... And they are just the top of the top, possibly rivaling Yo-Yo Ma, except there are four of them.
I think I'm done ranting... I'm sorry but I just had to share that... They make me so happy to listen to them! Haha well I have no words left to say...

A travesty of sorts

I've erased and rewritten and erased and rewritten what I was originally going to post here. Just thinking about it, what are we actually supposed to write about in these things that people want to hear that isn't just me griping about problems which in reality are not really that important? Why should anybody hear what I have to say about anything unless they are truly bored? I am not President Obama, I am not Oprah Winfrey, I am Dorian Cupero, who's life is minimally comparable to the formerly mentioned. This kinda goes hand in hand with What is the meaning of life? Like really, what is the meaning of Facebook or blogging? Do YOU want to hear what I have to say? It doesn't apply to you, and most likely you know me, so you know about me anyway, so it really doesn't matter. I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with myself. I think in my mini-depression I've become more philosophical... Hopefully that's a change for the better because my life could get much worse and I'd not like for that to happen.

My first blog

Okay this is my first blog and I thought I'd give it a try... I'm not really sure how these things work and how to really get the hang of it and write what people actually want to hear, but you know, there's a first time for everything.
So I'm Dorian Lee Cupero, age 13 (almost 14! My birthday is June 11) and I go to Thomas Jefferson Middle School.
here's where I start venting about my life.

So I'm with this little circle of friends, it's just the 4 of us... Except most of the time it's the three of them, and I'm just there... They even call themselves The Three S's, while there I am, the D. I was supposed to hang out with one of them this weekend; my best friend. Well, sure enough, I call her and "sorry it didn't work out". I hear this almost every time I call her now. I've come to the realization that I have no real friends; no one calls me just to talk (except for Z, but he's a special case), no one invites me over anymore, and I haven't slept over at anyone's house since February. Maybe I'm just a bitchy teenager, I know I can add that to the list of things I am. Anyway I'm just really pissed that I "have no friends" and that every weekeend is spent with my dysfunctional family. I'd like to elaborate but I don't think I will.

And another thing: I'm going to a new high school in the fall, different from the one all my "friends" are going to (or you could call them acquaintances, n'est pas?): Marshall. All of my "friends" are going to Washington-Lee. So for some reason I feel like it's their job to make me feel happy and wanted and loved in my last days with them before I depart maybe forever. They obviously aren't taking the fact that this is my last time with them into consideration because I am being pushed farther away instead of closer. I get really upset almost every day because I realize how much my life actually sucks.

But wait, of course there's more!

Being a hormonal teenage girl, I like guys. More than I probably should. So I run after every guy who I think is interested in me. I've been so freaking naive about it the whole time thinking it was normal when in fact, thanks to a certain guy who denied my advances, I realized it was whorish and the only reason he turned me down was because he thought I was too easy when he wanted a challenge. I got really mad but then I started thinking, dude, he's right, I need to just chill the hell out.

Maybe you don't want to hear my story at all... It's not a very good one, or a happy one, and I know that there are more people out there suffering much worse torment than I am so I think I'll go now.
Darfur needs the attention more than I do.